Fighting For Our Dreams When It Just Ain't Happening

This whole blogging experience has been super vulnerable for me, but today I am challenging myself to crank it up a notch and just be really honest about what’s been going on with me lately.

deathtothestockphoto.com

deathtothestockphoto.com

I moved to Los Angeles after finishing my Master’s Degree in Social Work in August.  I’ve really liked being here and am getting used to the California vibes, which are very real and very different from what I grew up with in Illinois. I’ve been held back from really feeling great here though, because of one huge problem: I cannot get a job.

And trust me, I’ve tried. My big barriers are that I don’t have a car yet (and lots of jobs require driving to clients’ houses) and that I am not bilingual, so sometimes it’s difficult to even find anything to apply to. Being in a new city, I also am limited by not really being familiar with the agencies in the area and not having any social work connections.

I have had small spots of hope: there was the agency that found my info and contacted me for an interview but was located way too far from me; the agency that called me to interview while I was home on holiday vacation and found a candidate before I got back to LA; and, most significantly, there was the agency I interviewed with last week that I was really excited about, until the very end of the interview when I was told the job required that the therapists own a vehicle. All of the small hopeful moments so far have ended with disappointment, which has been really hard on my heart.

I’ve been thinking a lot about writing this post because I just want to be real with you guys. I want to remind you that, even though I write about mental health and positive living tips, I have serious struggles just like you do. Life can just feel unfair. I am so positive that I have the passion and skills needed to work at the places I’ve been applying, and I still haven’t gotten a job. These jobs require a car, but I can’t afford a car if I can’t find a job. It’s just this seriously frustrating, disheartening experience, and I’ve been living it over the past 6 months as I work a temporary job to make some money.

During this process, I’ve felt really, really hopeless at times. I’ve worried that I’d have to give up my dream of being a therapist. I’ve worried I’d be seen as a failure by my friends, my family, and yeah, even my blog readers. I’m still a little worried about that.

As hard as it was doing that interview last week and finding out at the last minute that the job required a car, I learned something. I learned from my responses in that interview that I am still, despite all of this struggle, so, so passionate about my future work. 

I had to cry a little (a lot) and heal a bit, but the next day, I was thinking about me, and about any of you that might have a dream that just isn’t happening right now. And I just think that when we are so motivated, and so passionate, and we can just envision ourselves in our dream role so vividly that it absolutely must happen…we’ll be okay. I have to intentionally remind myself:

My passion will lead me to where I want to be.

I am loved by my family and friends unconditionally.

I am more than giving up.

I’m writing this for the reader who can’t find a job, who is worried about the future, who wants something so bad she can taste it but it just isn’t happening.

We can’t stop trying. We’re in the middle of a valley right now, but there will be mountains. We’ll keep up our hustle, but we’ll relax when we need it. We’re in this together.

If anyone’s going through something similar and wants to talk about it, my email is morningwellnessblog@gmail.com. Sometimes companionship can be really healing. I wish the best for you, and thank you, readers, for letting me feel comfortable in my vulnerability.

Let’s stay strong & do this.